I want someone to be afraid to lose me, the same way I am afraid to lose them.
still obsessed with u like it’s day 1
I didn’t sleep last night. I was thinking of you, going through old memories avoiding the drawer in my room that held your shirt I sat in my front yard and watched the sun rise and I couldn’t help but be bitter because the world carried on. The world carried on even though I’m losing the person in my life who kept me sane and yes I’m moving on and yes I know I’ll be okay but the sun came up and the birds started chirping like nothing was wrong. Like a piece of me wasnt slowly being ripped away from my soul. And I know that sounds cheesy and I know that everyone says that but maybe it’s true because I sat in my front yard the morning dew staining my shorts and I remembered you. I thought of your hands on my hips and your mouth on my neck and then I slowly rememebered that your hands are on her hips and your lips are on her neck and maybe we weren’t meant to work out but dammit I wanted us to so bad maybe its good you moved on maybe it’s good that you don’t think of me when your lips are on her’s maybe its good that I didn’t leave as much of an impression as you thought I did
- you’ve moved on so I guess it’s time I do too
One of the most painful things:
to meet the right person
at the wrong time.
B.m.f.s
It’s been two weeks since it ended. I’ve stopped being sad and started getting angry. I treated him like a God and he loved me like I was ordinary. Maybe that was the real reason it didn’t work. I overcompensated and he was all too happy to treat me like every other girl. So that was it. I didn’t leave because I stopped loving him. I left because I started to feel I wasn’t worthy of being adored. I started to feel less of myself. No one no matter how much you love them should ever make you feel like that. So I let you go to save myself. I deserve more and this time I am not settling. I choose me, even if that means I lose you in the process.
inkstainedpetal // why it ended
i.
i haven’t thought about you in several hours
but the time for sleep is drawing near
and i’m afraid that if i close my eyes for longer than a blink
i’ll see you again
i’ve been trying so hard to avoid your eyes
because once i look
it will be hard to avoid the remnants of the soul i fell so hard for
ii.
i didn’t dream about you last night
and i finally woke up feeling refreshed
feeling able to breathe
i don’t know what time it is; i’m afraid to check my phone
because my fingers move faster than my mind can tell them not to
and i’ll find myself scrolling for your name
even though it leaves a bitter taste on my tongue now
iii.
i didn’t text you or message you or call you today
in fact, the thought to talk to you didn’t even cross my mind
and i was feeling good about it
feeling like maybe this healing thing that everyone talks about is real
and happening
until
iv.
your name lit up my phone
your face filled the screen
you came back
and i found my self back
at square one again
v.
leave me alone
leave me alone
leave me alone
leave me
leave me
leave
you did it once i know you can do it again
vi.
i can’t stop thinking about you
i can’t stop dreaming about you
i can’t stop reaching out to you (for you)
i can’t stop loving you
vii.
i haven’t thought about you in several minutes
we’re nearing an hour
i should be proud but i know my time is running out
because you’ll find out that i’m doing okay
and you’ll work your way back to me
just
like
you
always
do
(cc, 2018)
